That cursed beast liked the taste of me so well he's followed me ever since, licking his chops for the rest of me

I guess it is fitting that our last semester together, no offense Rachel but I most certainly hope so!, in the orange hole of doom would start out as....intensely as it has.

Where to begin.... It didn't take long for the adventures and mayhem to ensue, it just seems to follow us around much like that allstate commercial. It oddly enough looks just like that dude too!

I had racked up some mondo Kohl's and Old Navy cash during tax free weekend, along with a lot of debt and other things I care not to accumulate... So naturally the second I could I had to go to Kohl's and spend my $30 in Kohl's cash, that's like a lot of money especially if you tack on all of the money my receipt said I saved! Of course we had to be ourselves and cause a ruckus... We started out in Jrs trying on all kinds of headbands and other bling. And what would any shopping trip be without trying on the tallest shiniest shoes we can find? After demolishing the shoe dept and deciding in addition to this awesome purple ring I had, I had to have the most colorful, sparkly 4/5 inch heels they had. I mean seriously It's like they were shouting buy me, the were on sale! How can you not buy something on sale with "free" money? Duh! On the way to the register I decided I needed this awesome hat to complete the look, even though there was no way I was going to wear it and let it detract from the awesomeness of the shoes....

Generally speaking, I am a very unorganized person. Unless of course we are referring to....ummm....,ok, yeah no, I am in no way organized by any means... Therefore it was clear that I was not stepping up to the register with my to-be-purchased items neatly laid out and my 15% off coupon in hand ready to go go. Rather everything was thrown in with the shoes, which had no lid on the box. I was not exactly going to wear the hat till I got there now was I? So as my spastic self is talking to Rachel and digging through my bag to find the coupon I had left in the car, all of a sudden the guy says, "Oh hey, this covered everything, you even have $15.01 left!" I think oh hecks yeah, score! After browsing through Old Navy and going on a book spree at Borders, you'd think we had to supply a small village in Africa with books, reality began to set in and it was dawning on me that there is no way the ring, the shoes and the hat only cost as much as the hat. Clearly my decision to wear pink polk-a-dot underwear under a yellow dress was paying off! I had cleverly decided earlier that day that all yellow dresses are evil and if they are going to show my undies, it better be a very good and entertaining show. Really, what would everyone be thinking if I settled for some plain Jane grannies?

While, hopefully, nobody suffered from that situation, this adventure is not so pleasant. Only 3 days into the semester/school year, with 120ish days until I graduate, I decide to lead a rebellion. This turned out to be less of a rebellion than more of what seemed like the desire for an old man to get his jollies of getting me kicked out of school. Thankfully, I was, coincidentally, wearing my pirate shirt just for the occasion. I had led many rebellions such as these in the past, which had rendered to be quite successful. I even garnered a small group of fans and was quite famous within this rather small circle, which was much more like a triangle due to it only consisting of 3 people including myself. Anywho, law enforcement had never even blown a whistle at me before, yet I had heard horror stories from others who have dared to defy the red hand. I knew I would probably not survive had I been pinched, so I knew I had to be on my guard, although I did not take this very seriously. Especially being that back in the motherland others would not either, we would be dying laughing at these buffoons.

Where I come from we learn at a very early age how to walk, cross streets, use side walks and ya know, other basic functions people sans cars perform on a daily basis. Clearly this is not the case here, where people drive down the driveway to check the mailbox. This was evident to me very early on by the fact that there were no sidewalks and slowly I began to associate people walking with homeless people, someone who had their car stolen or someone who had been the basis of any country song. The first time I came across a sidewalk was when I entered to orange hole of doom. I did not notice for a while, as I am oblivious to most things and rarely spent anytime there, but there were people in blue uniforms wearing yellow reflective vests. This reminded me of the school crossing guards who would help the grade schoolers safely cross the street before the became of age and were legally allowed to do so solo. I found it very strange that people here could drive, but needed assistance to cross the street. J-walking is as a part of me as mudding is to these people, I do not know how to not do it. So, ignoring the fact they are wearing what seems to be police uniforms and have UTPD cars parked nearby, I was not taking these clowns seriously by any means. I associate people who help you cross the street, with either an outstanding citizen or the sweet little school crossing guard.

As you can assume, I broke down assume in that situation and made an ass out of u (which was really me again) and me. Clearly these clowns are no joke and have nothing better to do, say like raiding illegal moonshine distilleries or meth labs... Being a New Yorker there is nothing more irritating and irrelevant than standing on a sidewalk when clearly no cars are going to hit you regardless of the red hand or the running man. So, I instinctually, after perceiving there to be no immediate threat by any motor vehicles, go to cross the street. Cpt Noriss proudly toots his whistle not unlike a war hero receiving a medal for saving his troops from impending doom. I triumphantly continue my, safe, journey to the other side when, "Get back to the other side! NOW!" "I' already half way there and clearly am in no danger!" Ran through my mind however, "I'm late for class...", was all I managed. Then he grabbed me, had he been about 100 years younger and had any hair other than what was growing out of his nose and ears, this might have been a good time. "Get your hands off of me! Are you serious right now? For real?" I felt like I had just been spotted fleeing from an armed robbery. Clearly, this was not going well... "Now we're going to see whether to press charges through the university or the city. Uh hem Uh hemmmm." "Seriously?" "Yes, I'm very serious ma'am." Do I look old enough to be called ma'am, especially by YOU, father time? He even ran my license and after making me stand in the sweltering heat for what felt like an eternity, he asked if a warning would suffice. Of course this only took place after he gave himself a nice pat on the back and made himself out to be a hero and justified the need for people old enough to drive, drink, vote and be in the military needing help crossing the street like it's an old folks home or preschool.

Needless to say, had this gone like any of my other rebellions none of this would have happened. Or if I had the black one, I've noticed he's just happy he doesn't have to worry about getting shot and dying in the hood. He must of seen the 50 cent movie, I learned the same lesson; get of the hood before the hood takes you out. The math was clearly on my side had everyone followed, four guards against hundreds of rednecks...I think Sammi had a better chance of beating Jwoww....

To be continued....

What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed."

I turned my frustration into creativity earlier. Perhaps this will be on youtube soon...

Oh yeah I'm gonna be early to class
oh wait, what's this? Lot full?
worthless parking pass

going from lot to lot
screeching tires
what the flip cup? not one spot!

I was bout to lose my cool...thinkin' I can't be late!
When I saw prince charming walk onto the lot!
...and so I creep yeaahhhhh
...creepin for some parkin'
...cuz dumb dumbs be miscountin'

So I follow this prince
waitin for him to take off w/ his noble white steed
when barbie made me wince

ya gotta be kiddin me
why you honkin'?
you ain't gettin' this barbie

I did no wrong I had blinker on
you need to let go and move on
...cuz I creeped hard for this
...this one's mine
...go creep at the back of the line!

Ohhhhhhhhhh, snap!

Sid! Your Pop-Tarts are ready!

Now this is something that should've been caught on video:

I had to play operation at like 1 am, it was intense. If it was anything like the board game, I would have taken out the batteries b/c I'm pretty sure I hit the sides. I am not exactly a doctor and this house aint exactly loaded with scalpels and forceps. Needless to say this was no easy task, but I had lives to save. My PT was literally falling apart. I was so afraid of losing the PT.

Now you're wondering what in the world could I be operating on in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere and I only live with a dog. Let me tell you something, toasters like to eat pop-tarts too!! That greedy little toaster tried to steal my poptart! It was not securely nestled on the zig zag elevator of toastiness...and it almost cost poppy his life.....

I hear that amazing sound of poppy being ready, only to find him caught between the elevator of toastiness and the wall of fire. I knew time was of the essence and I had to act fast!! I went to my tool kit and grabbed 2 plastic forks to use somewhat like "The Claw" to pick it up and pry it free from impending doom. However, this did not work out so well. Apparently, it's how poppy crumbles. He started falling apart, like a lizard losing his tail to avoid being eaten. I tried so hard to maneuver everything to free him, but he kept breaking. It was heart wrenching to see the PT suffering and fallen pieces start to burn. You could smell him burning and see the smoke begin to rise, it was such a painful sight to see.

I managed to get poppy in such a position that allowed me to lower the elevator to get him back on it. it was not a simple as it may seem because I had to move him out of the way without breaking him or crushing him with the elevator. I also tried reasoning with the toaster, which consisted of me yelling at it to give me back my poptart. I also took it as a sign that perhaps I should not be eating poptarts at 1 am....

So poppy was eventually freed so naturally after the drama, I put poppy's twin, poppito, in too. While poppito didn't go through quite the extreme ordeal as did poppy, he wasn't a walk in the park either. He also got stuck between the elevator and the wall of fire. However, he was in a much better position and was fairly easily removed by my McGuyver utensils. Poppito made it out unharmed thankfully.

Naturally, after all of the drama was over and the popps were safe, I gave that toaster a spaniking! I also made sure it did not get to keep any poppy for himself. I think I showed him who's boss!

Another Dr JJ success! Booyah!

"I shall call him Squishy, and he shall be mine."

If you don't know what that is from, please put the bran muffin and metamucil down. Immediately ask the nearest juvenile delinquent where to find this mysterious place called "Toys'R'Us", get there. Your mission upon arrival is to stay there until you find yourself doing things the midgets are doing, like riding the tricycle up and down the aisles or being the irritating brat pressing the buttons on everything so all of the dolls are screaming and you think it is funny!!!! Then rush to the Disney store (be careful not to break a hip, you may want to purchase a push toy and some milk) and stay there until you can randomly apply quotes from the movies to your life or just b/c you can!

Anywho, the original intent was a list of random thoughts I have and as usual got sidetracked by other random thoughts. I think that is fairly entertaining though. Btw if you really do eat bran muffins, and actually enjoy them w/o sugar, chocolate, ice cream.... I would recommend going trick or treating regardless of the time of year. That sounds like an awesome idea, I want to do that for Christmas. I'll dress up like an orphan or an elf and go trick or treating for anything but egg nog, that is the most heinous drink ever!

So here are some random thoughts:

- Group projects are absolutely, positively,  awful! They are nothing like real world, big people, job group projects! Regardless I believe they should come with access to:

• an open bar
• something you can beat the crap out of something like a mannequin you can draw or tape a face to would be fantastic, even better would be realistic bruising or blood, better than blood fill it with bloody mary or strawberry daiquiri. It may sound harsh but better that mannequin that that group member!
• A soundproof room where you can yell, scream, jump up and punch the air, shout a string of dirty words and just really speak your mind w/o judgement. This should probably have the mannequin in it and also not allow people to see in either...I think those reasons are pretty self-explanatory and quite obvious

- People who take surveys and think they are the best thing since sliced bread, putting birthdays like 666 or that they mate with sea horseys and are romantically involved with sebastian the crab, should get pimp slapped by the paper or computer. Like some kind of 007 stuff that can detect douchary such as that and say "Ha hahaha!!!" *pimp slap* "Looks like the joke's on you succkkkaaaaa!! Booyah!"

- C-3PO should really exist, or better yet the robot from "Meet the Robinsons"! That would be epic, bff, maid, landscaper and so much more all in one! What more can you want and it can probably be paid in sunlight if you get optional solar charging, like wall-e has!

- Who the hey sits around and thinks of all of these crazy different formats for writing papers, citing works and such? It's like really, you have nothing better to do but make other people's lives hell? Oh great thanks man, you're so not invited to anything cool you loser of life!

- OWL @ Purdue, please tell me why you are 2 years out of date so now I have to go through a PP of how to properly format something APA? "You are the weakest link! Goodbye."

- BS and BA, guess what they really mean! I'll give you a hint:  What did you immediately think of last time somebody said "This is BS!!!"? I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm going to guess it was not 'bachelor of science'....

Well guys since I have a shitzu and not a robot I have clean up after both of us instead of him cleaning up after me....

TTFN, can't wait to see you Ray Ray!!!!

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have, and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!

Good thing I never said which tomorrow!!!! Technically the video was made the day after the last post, post-production was tedious an took longer than anticipated! However, I do believe it is AWESOME.

The title is a Disney quote from "The Great Mouse Detective", so still sticking with the plan! I am excited about upgrading the technological aspect of this video, and likely others as well. Cannot wait for Ray Ray, I want to make the Tosh video. I'm pretty sure we could win this thing. I am also excited for us to go eat octopus, grill smores, make smoothie drinks and have a blast. I think we should get all dressed up for it too, as well as for the first day of school!

Without further ado, I present video #2! Please comment!!!

"Be prepared for sensational news....just listen to teacher!" "Be prepared!"

Prepare for an all new video tomorrow! It is my gift to you, hopefully you will be able to benefit from it.

PS:  Laughter is a benefit!

PPS:  Let's see how many of these titles we can make Disney themed starting with this one. If you don't get the title, go grab a juice box, your fave blanky, ask permission and watch some Disney kid!

Surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally did it! I did not realize it would be so long!!!!! I meant to do other stuff in it too but oh well, next time. I have some of my infamous rants in it.... Enjoy

Feedback greatly appreciated!!!

Too much for just one....

So....Here's the Second!